I suppose I owe you faithful readers an explanation for why I have been gone since Christmas. I am jaded. It’s as simple (and as complex) as that.
Late last Fall I realized that every time I was on Facebook, which really was all the time, I felt vaguely shitty (thank you Lisa M. for that beautifully concise description of my feelings). It dawned on me that I am not designed to be constantly emotionally present, witty, empathetic, righteously angry, tactful, sad, supportive, conciliatory, and friendly. A quick perusal of my feed started to feel like a temperamental assault on my sensibilities.
I decided to take a break from it. I wasn’t sure I could do it. Imagine that… I thought I might actually not be able to walk away from Facebook. Without much fanfare (or a post that begged you to beg me to stay) I went into “hibernation” for what I thought would be a month or so. A week later my computer died making it easy to stay away since I hate typing anything on my iPad mini.
Once my smoking computer (loaded with the most amazing software out there) kicked, I realized that I couldn’t really blog anymore either. While I was digesting that fact, a few pretty horrible things happened. First off, Kimani got worse and worse, harder and harder to handle, and impossible to write about (honestly) anyway. Then my best friend was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, and being with her on this journey became my main focus. Then came a crushing surreal heartbreak: my husband’s best friend died in a house fire.
Not that there weren’t a bunch of happy moments, and milestones, and good times. There have been plenty of those over the last eight months, and also tons of practically irresistible fodder floating around in virtual space pestering my brain to write. But each time I stared at my iPad keyboard something whispered “WTF? D is sick. K is dead. Kimani is the devil incarnate. Who cares about the flotsam in your mind?”
I do. I care. Writing is really more for me than it is for you. So I’ll be here when I can. For now, I’ll leave you with an Easter shot of (most of) my babies dancing on the table. Look how BIG they are!