With five elementary school-aged children, we go to a ton of kiddie birthday parties. It is usually pretty painful for whichever one of us ends up with the short stick and has to chaperon our over-excited child. But, it always seems to turn out great for the kids, so we keep doing it. In the past year we have attended parties at bowling alleys, YMCAs, pottery places, craft stores, museums, and the ever crazy Chuck e Cheese’s.
This year I have noticed a new trend, and I am curious about why this is happening, because I can’t stand it. Kids are not opening birthday presents at their parties anymore.
It first happened this past fall when Jade and I attended a party for a little girl in his second grade class. This was not just any little girl, it was his favorite friend. He was so excited to go shopping for her birthday gift. We went to Michael’s craft store and he picked out an American Girl scrapbook kit. Then he went up every aisle in that section filling the cart with stickers, bling, and glitter. It was difficult to get him to choose between things because as he put it, “Mommy I want her to have everything.” Thank goodness for coupons. At home he helped to wrap it all up.
He had a super time at the party making a birdhouse and playing games. Then came pizza and cake. And then the party was over. The parents bagged up the pile of gifts that had been sitting on a table throughout the party. Children started taking goody bags and leaving. Jade came over to me and said, “Mommy, when is Lily going to open the present I brought for her?” I told him that the party was over and that she was not going to open any presents. He looked distraught and I thought he was going to cry. “But mommy, I want to see her open it. Please let her open it.”
I went to the parents an awkwardly asked if they would let their daughter open the present from Jade. They were very nice about it and dug out the gift and handed it to me. I brought it to Jade and told him to give it to her. He suddenly got all shy, so I had to facilitate. She opened it and both of them looked pretty happy about it.
I thought it was a fluke, like maybe they ran out of time. But we have been to five parties since then, and not once did the birthday boy or girl open the presents. What’s up with that? Cake and presents ; they go together like peanut butter and jelly.
Maybe birthday party places don’t value the opening of gifts and don’t plan time for it into the party schedule. But it is an important part of a birthday party, and parents should let the planner know that game time should be cut 15 minutes short to accommodate the opening of the gifts.
Maybe parents think it is too boring for the other kids to have to sit through watching their kid open his presents? If that is the case then tell people not to bring a gift. Because if my kid is going to shop for a gift for your kid, he should at least have the pleasure of seeing your child open it, and like it.
Maybe that’s it. Maybe parents are tired of the embarrassment of having their kid rip through presents, acting bored, and blurting out things like, “Oh, I already have this.” Or, “I don’t like Batman.” Rather than skip present opening, maybe they could teach their children how to graciously accept a present regardless of what it is.
Whatever the reason for it, I think it is a big loss for our kids. There is a lot of joy in giving and receiving, and we shouldn’t deprive our children of that. I have been to enough birthday parties where the gifts did get opened to tell you with sincerity that it is often the highlight of the party.
Birthday parties are getting stranger all the time. Being a Birthday Entertainer parties have changed a lot through the years. The most common thing is they supper pack the party with activities and entertainment afraid of the kids just standing around or going off the wall. So quite often they misjudge the time and have to forgo the present opening part of the party. yes, I agree kinda a bummer..
So, Bear is a bit younger (4yo) but we held off on opening presents at her last two parties because when she turned 2, her some of her gifts got broken before she even got to play with them. The kiddies (even the 5yo) fought over her new presents and they broke. Then there was how the other kids “helped” her open. Granted these kids were ages 2-5yo so a bit different. I decided that it wasn’t worth it until she is older. Of course, by 2nd grade, one hopes they are old enough to share and act gracious!
Good points Anna. I think it is trickier with very young children.
In order to civilize children, they need to PRACTICE civilized behavior — learning to say thank you for EVERY gift (even if it isn’t your favorite) and keep your jealousy in check (when the birthday kid gets the gift that your kid DESPERATELY wanted, but didn’t receive for their last birthday) are important skills that can only be learned with PRACTICE.
I think it’s the parents worried about how their child will receive their gift, they get so ramped up at the party, even the most kindest child sometimes forgets their manners. Just my opinion.
Totally agree….it should be all about the ‘kids’ and not the adults being ‘bored’ or not having taught their children how to receive gifts….whether they have them or not.
Think it’s just the way our world has changed.