Early Retirement for Me

There will be no more cool science lessons in the kitchen sink. From now on, playing in the sink will be just for fun. As of this morning I have officially retired as Kimani’s Kindergarten teacher. Today was her first day of school at school, and both of us ended up bawling.

First off, let me back up and explain why I am not homeschooling any longer. 1. I told you I would suck at it, and I do. 2. She is lonely, and jealous of her siblings who get to go to school. 3. When I asked her if she wanted to go school too, she said, “School, yes.” And so my husband and I reviewed the options again. With the private placements full already, we had the choice of the most restrictive classroom in our district, or the Cooperative Education program (children from multiple school districts all with high support requirements) located in another primary school in our district. Neither school is our “home” school where our other children attend. We chose the CE program, mainly because they have a strong focus on language development with a FT speech therapist in the room. They are also better equipped to handle her, and her IEP at this time.

At 8:10 this morning I walked her into the classroom. She immediately zeroed in on a basket of crayons on a shelf, and dumped them. She continued checking everything out, taking pancakes from innocent children and pulling ponytails. But, she was generally better behaved than I thought she would be. I think she was nervous. One time she wrapped her arms and legs around both of my legs, clinging to me in a way she never has. At another moment she started to whimper and cry when she was trying to pull a little girl’s ponytail and we told her how to say hi to the student. The little girl was afraid of Kimani and covered her eyes. She refused to make contact with her. I have never seen Kimani break down and cry because another child was not willing to interact with her. It made me sad. I only stayed a few minutes because I really had no good excuse to hover and I knew I was going to cry in front of them if I didn’t get out of there.

All day I wondered how she was doing, how she was feeling. If she was still so excited, or scared, or happy. I wondered if she was sorry she said, “School, yes.”

When I arrived at 1:45 to pick her up, I found a content little girl sitting with the ST asking for more Cheerios. As I chatted with the teacher, hearing all about bowling in gym class, and how limits were tested, and also how she resisted her impulse to go back after that little girl’s ponytail, Kimani munched on cereal. They told me that she was talking all day, and that she took them by the hand to the bathroom door, although she didn’t perform once she got on the potty. I heard all about my girl’s great day. It had to be great because she had no interest in coming home with me and I had to carry her out of there. Good thing she starts taking the bus tomorrow.

As for me, I can now spend my days napping on the couch. Kidding! I have a whole list of things that have been on hold, that I am looking forward to accomplishing.